Updated on April 9, 2026.

One of my favorite actors (and spirit animal), Aubrey Plaza, is going to have a baby.

Not something I’d normally write a blog post about, but people be crazy, and some of the comments online are off the hook.

People will comment on anything and everything because, apparently, that’s what we do now: just comment on everything, whether anyone asks for our opinions or not. I understand that, since I used to be a man, and I certainly thought the world desperately needed to know my opinion about everything (I had a podcast, fer chrissake, need I say more?).

But why do people have an opinion about Ms. Plaza being pregnant? Because last year she was married to a different man, and that fellow died.

Starting to understand? Of course, the world has an opinion on how long a widow should mourn. What is proper, what’s acceptable. The control over women never ends, and it reaches into every aspect of being a woman.

If some random dood’s partner was pregnant more than a year after his partner died, no one would bat an eye (Aubrey’s husband died a few days into 2025, and her baby is due in the fall of 2026; you do the math). But women are supposed to…I don’t know…what? Sit in a darkened room and turn away gentleman callers for several years? Hide from decent society until ten seasons shall pass? Fling themselves from a fog-shrouded bridge during a full moon?

People should mourn as long as they mourn. Ms. Plaza’s life didn’t stop when her husband died, contrary to what the tradwife-lookmaxxing-manosphere web would have you believe.

I have no idea what she goes through; my partner has never died. But I can imagine, and what I imagine is extremely painful. So how do we deal with pain? If you answered, everyone deals with pain in their own way, congratulations, you are a rational human.

The very question of how long someone should wait to connect with someone new after their partner dies is fundamentally a how-do-we-control-women question, because again, I don’t think any man would be held to any standard mourning period.

My stomach turns daily (hourly) at the things women have to endure at the hands of men (which is, like, everything), and this is just another way for men to feel like they have control over everything and everyone. Or more specifically, every woman and what every woman does. Because a man can do whatever a man wants to do.

It’s tired, it’s old, it’s boring. I mean, come on. Dudes! You’re tired, you’re old, you’re boring, and your poetry sucks. Your penistry (thanks Justine) makes me yawn, and I know what you gigglethink when I say that. Fuck you.

We’re supposed to allow jerk-off man-creep abusers like Louis C.K. to get back to business the moment they finish their reluctant apology tours, but god forbid a woman wants to find a partner and have a family after “her man” dies. How dare you! Burn the witch!

This world is just a poop toboggan that we’re all sliding around on, I know. But things like this are a bit much. Everyone weighing in on everything is exhausting and pointless. I liked you better before I knew what you think about everything. I hope we get back to that one day.

WRITTEN BY A HUMAN